January 2011
22 posts
The time ahead
I held a baby this weekend. It was a little baby girl. She is only two weeks old and well, she just slept the whole time I held her. In the meantime, I was thinking about all the time that is still ahead of her. What is going to happen to her in her life? Is she going to grow up to be a beautiful young woman with a lot of self-esteem? Is she going to be bullied in school or is she going to be...
And not a single fuck was given that day.
People always say they don’t give a fuck. I never believe them. I would believe them if they would say they wished they didn’t give a fuck or they should not give a fuck. But that’s not what they say. They say they don’t give a fuck. But they do, they always do. I have said ‘I don’t give a fuck’ more time than I can count. I never once meant it, I always wished I did, though. If people really...
There is no need for that.
The door slammed in his face. Don’t feel sad for him. There is no need for that. He deserved everything he got. You see, the thing is, he is kind of a jerk. Well, not kind of, he is a jerk. A big one too. And she decided she wasn’t going to take his crappy behavior any longer, so naturally, she slammed the door shut. His face happened to be there. Most unfortunate, but not undeserved. So don’t...
Is today a good day?
Today is a good day. Right? Maybe it isn’t. I am not sure. I am not sure about a lot of things lately. I keep asking myself questions. Questions I can’t answer. Who am I? What do I want? Am I going to make it? Am I going to be happy one day? What am I supposed to do now? Is today a good day? My answers to all of these questions are pretty much the same: “I don’t know.” Is today a good day?
There are people.
There are people who complain all day long. There are people who just don’t know when to shut up. There are people who barely speak and people who barely listen. Some people always know best and some people never know anything. There are people who keep asking questions and people who get annoyed by those people. Some people love to dance and to sing, other people like to look at them and laugh....
A brief conversation between two serial killers.
A conversation between two serial killers, Dan and Tiffany, who killed together until one of them got caught. Dan is in jail and the police have no idea Tiffany was in on the killings. Both Dan and Tiffany know Dan will never tell the police anything. Tiffany visits Dan in jail. Dan: You better watch it, you are too close to the bars. Teresa: You better watch it, you are too close to the bars. D:...
Hey followers!
I am really surprised by all the sweet reactions I got since starting this blog. I would like to thank everybody who followed me over the last few days and a special thanks to the people who send me messages. Thank you so much. So, I guess I should tell you guys a little about myself. I am a twenty year old girl and I guess you could say I am an aspired writer. This blog is a good practice for my...
Breathe.
I decided to stop breathing. Not because I wanted to die. Not because I thought I was a waste of air. Not because I don’t love my life. No, it was because breathing just costs me so much energy, too much energy. I am always aware of my breathing. Of the air going into my lungs and coming out a few seconds later. I feel it twenty times every minute of every day. Twenty one thousand and six hundred...
Serial killer
“Don’t go home with him, he might be a serial killer or something,” he said. “I don’t think he is, but if I am wrong, I trust you to say something beautiful at my funeral,” she responded. “Bye.”
Encounter
I leave my house every evening at eight past nine to take a walk. You wait for me at the same place every night. While you run my way I check if there is anybody around. Most of the time the street is deserted. In the rare case there is someone coming our way, I pretend I don’t see you and keep walking. Your owners go to bed at nine. By the time I meet you in front of their house they are sound...
Nervous breakdown
Sometimes I think I was born with a nervous breakdown. Everything in life stresses me out, everything about life stresses me out. I try to pull myself together every day of my life again. Sometimes I succeed, and if I do, then that day is a good day. But most of the time I fail miserably. When I have the feeling I am failing, a feeling I have a lot, I stop trying. I stop trying to pull myself...
Specialty
“Good,” I whisper, while I close the door behind you. You got mad, but not as mad as I thought you would get. Thank God. You know how to get mad. Mad and scary. You didn’t get scary today. I wonder why. This is, without a doubt, the worst thing I ever did to you. Maybe, maybe you are just disappointed. Or sad. Or defeated. I am pretty sure you will be okay. I mean, by now you know how I am. What...
Hope
In a desperate attempt to change up her life, she moved her pillow to the other side of her bed. She expected it to work wonders, but she was disappointed once again. The first night lying her head down on the opposite side of the bed she realized right away nothing had changed. She was still in the same room, in the same apartment, but most importantly, she still had the same thoughts. There is...
Interview
“Where do you get your inspiration?” The look on your face is serious. Your eyes are piercing blue. You tilt your head to the left. “Well?” Your fingers are playing with the pen you are holding. You open your eyes a little wider, as if you want to say you don’t have all day. “Everywhere,” I say. “Everywhere?” “Yes.” “Give me an example.” “I couldn’t.” “Well, your abstract painting of the...
Little baby
“Hello, thingy,” I say. You stare at me with those huge black eyes of yours. You are a little baby. And you are cute. Not a lot of babies are cute. All babies are little, though. You are not mine. I am not sure who your mother is. I have met your father. He’s not much of a father, is he? “No, he isn’t,” you say. You can’t talk. You are a baby. You obviously didn’t say ‘no, he isn’t’....
My dear ceiling
And then, just like that, the feeling passed. Immediately it felt like the feeling had never been there to begin with. I suddenly was the same person I was before this feeling came along. I lie flat on my back. I stare at my ceiling. If this ceiling could talk, it wouldn’t have a lot to say, it wouldn’t have a lot of people to say it to. I smile at my ceiling and if it could, well, then it...
Spy
I met a woman in a bar today. She said her name was Sophie. Somehow I don’t believe that’s her real name. “The government cannot be trusted,” Sophie said. “Why?” I asked. “Well, I met a spy once, I cannot tell you his name, or where he is from, but he is the one who told me that about the government.” “Told you what?” She nervously looks around. She bends over, her face is close to mine. “That...
Poor you
I play with my hair. I smell it. It smells like cheap shampoo and cigarettes. You look at me. You study my every move, like my moves can tell you something about me. You have a writing pad on your lap, a pen loose in your hand. “Do you mind if I smoke?” I ask. “Yes, I do,” you answer. I light up a cigarette. I inhale. I feel the warm smoke fill my lungs. You look almost disturbed. You hate that...
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The sadness of the situation
The sadness of the situation hits me at once. You didn’t choose to live the life you lived. You were burdened with memories you didn’t want to have. You were forced to be someone you were not. By now you might have actually become this person they wanted you to be. They took you from you. I wonder if you still remember the person you once were, before any of this happened, when you were just a...
Make it
The wind comes from the west. The sound of the waves rolling onto the beach calms me down. I am sitting on the beach. It is a rainy day. The world is grey. The sea is grey, the sky is grey, even the sand seems grey in this light. The rain makes small dents in the sand. I breathe in the sea air and for the first time in a long time I feel free. I fall backwards, flat on my back. The rain falls down...
Nice to meet you
Let me be clear. I don’t know anything. I don’t want any misunderstandings about that. I don’t want you to think I have knowledge. Don’t take anything I say as a fact. There are no facts in my brain, there are just emotions. There are words and sentences, unformed. There are beliefs. Hopes. Fears. But no facts. Keep that in mind when you talk to me. It will save you from a lot of misjudgments. And...
I wonder
I wonder what will come from this. You don’t. You look confident as always. So at home. At home here. At home in the world. I envy you. The waiting makes my stomach turn. I see people looking at us. I am sure we look really out of place. And in essence we are, very, very out of place. Well, let me speak for myself, I am out of place. I have never seen you be out of place. You fit in, that’s what...