August 2011
9 posts
1 tag
Sick of dying
He is sick and dying. Well, except for the dying part, but he is most definitely sick. Or maybe he isn’t sick at all, maybe he is just a human being. One of those human beings who, every time they have a cold, feel like they are sick and dying. And they are never dying a normal quiet death. No, oh no, it is never that easy. They always die horrible painful, and especially, loud deaths. After they...
3 tags
Painful relationships
Horrendous break up. Get back together. It’s still the same. Break up again. Heartbreak. Missing. Get back together. It’s still the same. It should work. Counseling. Break up. Hurt. Trying to forget. Can’t forget. What now? Oh shit. Oh no. Help. It’ll definitely work now. Get back together. It doesn’t work. Break up. Ouch. Oh. Painful heartache. Life does go on. Feeling better. Strength. Hope....
1 tag
Alzheimer
He was in his early fifties when it started. Alzheimer. It started off slowly, forgetting appointments, forgetting things in the grocery store. Then he couldn’t read or watch TV. He had to stop working a long time ago. So he did what he still could. He gardened. Not just in his own yard, but in our yard too. Our yard never looked as good as when he roamed around in it for hours each day. One day...
2 tags
“My writing has gone to bits - like my character. I am simply a self-conscious...”
– Oscar Wilde
2 tags
I wished…
Her mind keeps wandering back to places it could better stay away from. Dark, negative memories, all the bad moments in her life. She seems to have had quite a lot of bad moments, terrible happenings, horrible events. Her minds seems strangely attracted to those moments, it finds those moments way more interesting than the good, the better, the best. And therefore, therefore she is miserable....
2 tags
The next sixty years.
Sometimes he thinks about the next sixty years and he just feels empty. He has no idea how he is going to get through them, since he barely got through the first twenty years. It all seems useless. To struggle and fight and be miserable for I don’t know how many years, just to die. He doesn’t believe in God. ‘I wished society would be different. I wished society would just let people die who don’t...
2 tags
Pity party
Sometimes she has a pity party. Not too often, that wouldn’t be good, but every once in a while there is nothing more useful and enjoyable than a good pity party. And she throw a mean pity party, that’s one thing that’s for sure. Eating ice cream, watching TV shows she would normally not be caught dead watching. (‘You are NOT the father.’ You know what I am talking about.) Some whining, some...
3 tags
Perfect bliss
Yesterday evening I started reading ‘The Complete Letters of Oscar Wilde’. And like Virginia Woolf said: ‘…I read myself into a trans of perfect bliss;…’ I read till 3 in the morning and I plan the same thing for tonight. Oscar Wilde fascinates me intensely. The other day I dreamed about him, it sure was horrible to wake up. The best thing about this books is its length. Over 1200 pages. I still...
3 tags
I made a decision
At one point sooner or later you are going to have to make a decision. You are going to have to decide whether or not you are going to live. I know you are depressed and I know what that is like. I am still not fine myself. But one day I woke up and I made a decision. It was the first decision I made in months. Depression does that to you, it makes you unable to make decisions. I made a decision...